JL ruining her own fanfics!
by J.L. Zielesch
Summary: You read right. I take them, and I break them. Infamous scenes will be bloopered! Tenticles! Chris singing 'Shoes! Ada pushing Ashley! Rebecca's groping Jill! Read and Request for more. Chapter two: Re:high:eR bloopers.
1. RESpice Girls

Disclaimer: IOOMOC

J.L.: Alright, most of you are loyal readers of mine, and to the new ones, well, you don't have to know the material, but it does help. Anyways, I've been working with an idea since I first started Re:high:eR. I put some comedy into my fanfics, but I never really go for straight out comedy. Here's my solution. Take a scene, mess with it, and viola, parody and laughs. I will be taking requests in addition to the ones I put up. So far, I have this chapter planned out, and the next. Have fun, and remember, I am taking requests. Also, I think I'll go with a different format.

To: J.L. Zielesch

From: Chris Redfield; Leon Kennedy; Carlos Olivera; Billy Coen;

Body: We request to see the girls in something a bit more spicy. I.E. Biohazard 3 J. Valentine's wardrobe.

RE: Alright, but they're getting a copy of this memo.

_**Introducing RE-spice!**_

"You have to be kidding me, honestly, I can't fake a british accent!" Claire spat. I stood there as five pairs of eyes were set on me.

"Look, just this once, honestly. I swear I'll make the boys do whatever you want." I spoke. While Jill and Claire groaned, the wheels in Ada's head worked like clockwork. Rebecca and Ashley had taken to sitting on the ground in defeat.

"Alright J.L., but give us a few months to work out every detail of revenge." Ada spoke. Jill and Claire reached an agreement with her.

"Okay, take your places, and trust me, you will need those guns..." I spoke, re-adjusting my sunglasses and stepping unto the platform with the camera that proceeded to raise up above the girls.

"I think it'll be great acting as Baby." Ashley spoke.

"Suit yourself." Ada grumbled as the platform locked into place.

"You're just angry that you got Sporty." Rebecca pointed out.

"Why was that?" Ada acused.

"Well, for one, you aren't exactly the most reliable person, so we gave you whatever was last. That and no one else here can really do a backflip." Claire explained, eyeing Ada.

"Jill can." Ashley offered. I smirked as I stepped over to the control panel. My finger rested on the big red button as my hand went to the music's control.

"Well...actually, that was Chris back at the Russian facility...I just jump rolled through the laser." Jill replied. I started the big beat sound and the girls moved into position. Claire stepped to the front, tapping her foot to the music.

"You just walk in, I make you smile. It's cool but you don't even know me." Claire sang gently, resting her hand on her hip.

"You take an inch, I run a mile. Can't win, you're always right behind me." Ada sang, stepping forward. I grinned as my finger lightly traced the big red button on the console. _I'm going to make this interesting._

"And we know that you could go and find some other. Take or leave it or just don't even bother." Ashley sang as she stepped forward, Claire and Ada rolling their eyes. _All three of them after Leon..._Jill sighed and walked up, her arm pushing her hair back behind her ear.

"Caught in a craze...it's just a phase, or will this be around forever?" She sang, in the only line she gets through out the whole song. _Really, it's the other girls who need to impress the boys._

"Don't you know it's going to fast. Racing so hard you know it won't last." All of them sang as Rebecca stepped up. I pushed the button in, and the doors holding the zombies opened. The girls shot a glare at me, and grabbed for their guns except Ashley, who hid behind Ada.

"Just keep singing. They want spicy, give it to them!" I shouted above the music.

"Don't you know...what, can't you see?" Rebecca sang out, plugging a slug from her shotgun into the first undead.

"Slow it down, read the sign, so you know just where you're going!" Ada sang out as she backflip kicked a zombie's head off.

"Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with the human touch-" They all sang, Jill switching her targets just as they dropped, smirking at the irony of the words.

"Hey you always on the run, Gotta slow if down baby, gotta have some fun-" They continued, Ashley running for the nearest building and locking the door. Rebecca and Claire exchange a quick smirk with each other.

Do do do do-do do do do-do do do... always be together, Ba da ba ba-ba da ba ba-ba da ba... stay that way forever." The remaining 'spice' girls sang out, Ada dropping the last zombie. _Stage one complete...now, stage two...they are so going to kill me for this._ I flicked a switch and the house that Ashley had been cowering in fell down around her.

"And we know that you could go and find some other, Take or leave it 'cause we've always got each other." Ashley sang out, and I nodded at her ability to not completely panic. Ada pushed Ashley aside though.

"You know who you are and yes, you're gonna breakdown, You're crossed the line so you're gonna have to turn around." Ada spoke threateningly into the camera. _Leon's going to suffer for this one. _Jill, Rebecca and Claire casually walked up into the camera view behind Ada.

"Don't you know it's going to fast, racing so hard you know it won't last-" The three sang out. Rebecca stepped foreward, reloading her ammo.

"Don't you know, what can't you see?" She sang, as I pressed the button for round two.

"Slow it down, read the sign so you know just where you're going!" Ada sang as the crimson heads ran towards them.

"Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with the human touch, Hey you always on the run, Gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun." All of them sang out as Ashley and Rebecca pushed over one of the prop housing walls to crush the crimson heads while the other three covered for them.

"Gotta keep it down honey, lay your back on the line 'Cause I don't care about the money, Don't be wasting my time, You need less speed, get off my case-" They continued to sing as the numbers dwindled, along with their ammo. I pressed another button on the console and a rocket launcher popped up near Jill.

"You gotta slow it down baby, just get out of my face!" The girls all yelled out as Jill blew a hole in the pack of remaining Crimson heads.

**Minutes later**

I lowered the platform to the five girls, huffing and out of breath, but otherwise unharmed. Jill and Claire were sitting on the ground, perhaps the only clean patch of ground. Rebecca was bent over, her hands on her knees. Ada was smoothing out her dress. Ashley was pissed.

"So...how do you guys plan on getting the guys back?" I asked. Rebecca pulled a blackberry from her back pocket, with Jill and Claire joining in to look at it.

"It depends on who Leon chooses." Ashley answered.

"No freaking way Jill, I don't want to see my brother naked." Claire argued in the private conversation going on. Ada flicked her eyes at Ashley.

"Depends on who Leon chooses? Are you seriously going to let a man make your choices for you?" Ada questioned.

"Oh isn't that the pot calling the kettle black!?" Ashley accused. I started rubbing my temples.

"Girls, girls, focus. You just kicked some major ass in little gucci dresses and suits so that the boys can have their fun-" I started.

"That would work...except for Chris." Rebecca spoke.

"Then let's use that for the guys, but find something else for Chris...I have a feeling he was the one in charge." Jill replied. Claire smirked widely suddenly, and the other two had matching grins.

"Let me see that." I asked, and sure enough, I was on the ground clutching my sides.

**A week later**

"Shoes...shoes...shoes...oh my god shoes!" Chris sang, dressed in a perfect Kelly impersonization, with the other guys wearing tighty whiteys and sailor hats. The girls were right behind me, laughing as hard as I was.

J.L.: Yeah, that's right, I put myself as the viewpoint for this. I figured that since I do see so many fanfics with OC's in them, why not follow that trend? Voiding out my ususal answer to that (Because it takes the focus off the actual characters, and in extreme cases makes the fanfics turn into original stories with cameos by the characters.) with a simple 'This is my freaking parody fanfic of my own works, I should be able to basturdize this however I want!' response. Anyways, I'll try to update as I go with this, and do leave requests, I'll fulfill any request. I do have a few ideas of my own already (bloopers from Re:high:eR anyone? Like the infamous ice breaking scene with Jill and Chris?) and the one tenticle porn out of Shakesphere's ass should be the next chapter (I'll label each chapter with the main parody subject for your eyes to be safe.).


	2. Re:high:eR Bloopers

Disclaimer: Yadda Yadda Yadda, don't care.

J.L.: Scratch the tentacle porn one right now, I have a better idea.

**Fanfic: **Re:high:eR

**Chapter/scene: **Chapter 8, 'Thin Ice', scene where Jill and Chris are on the ice.

**POV: **Chris

"It's cool, so...let's get off this ice." I said. Jill bit her lip, looked at the crack in the ice, then back to me. She stepped closer and was within inches of my face.

"No Chris, it's not cool. I'm not happy with being just friends. I want more Chris, and you know that. You don't want more that's fine, just tell me here and now and we won't bring it up anymore. I'm not pussyfooting this issue anymore." She said. My pulse began to race, both from Jill's confession and the ice cracking. I glanced down at the ice nervously, and noticed it hadn't cracked much more. _It'll be fine for the moment Chris, so settle Jill now._ I looked at her and swallowed, my breath also picking up. Her lips weren't far from mine. _What if she's toying with me though? Fantastic time to doubt her yeah, but what if?_

"Are you sure?" I asked, swallowing again. Her determined gaze sharpened.

"I wouldn't be out here if I wasn't." She said. I closed my eyes, and licked my lips. _This woman will be the end of me_. I heard the ice crack a bit more, but I prayed it held for a little longer before opening my eyes slightly and leaning down to brush my lips against Jill's. Seconds passed. I pulled back from Jill and looked down at the ice.

"Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me!" An angered voice called out. From her director's chair J.L. rose and walked towards us.

"Not that I'm complaining, but wasn't the ice suppose to break?" I asked. The determined face of a very frustrated individual glowered at me. J.L. pushed Jill and myself back a bit, standing right on the crack.

"Yeah, it was supposed to. It's the perfect metaphor! It's suppose to break just as you two come to terms that there's more than just friendship! It symbolizes the ice breaking around your hesitation!" J.L. called out aggravated, inspecting the crack.

"Except it didn't." Jill spoke. J.L. shot a glare at her, then back down to the crack, starting to jump up and down on it. Jill and I both stepped back as J.L. continued to take her anger out by jumping up and down on the cracked ice as hard as she could. She huffed out a breath and gave up, standing still.

"Freaking figures...no, can't have a gre-" She started to say, then the final sickening crack echoed and J.L. fell into the icy water below, her hands outstretched to keep her from going under. Jill and I jumped to pull her back up to the supported ice underneath us.

"You okay?" Jill asked.

"Yes, the poetic justice is not lost on me...somehow I just got paid back for something stupid I've done and probably forgotten." J.L. muttered.

**Fanfic: **Re:high:eR

**Chapter/scene: **Chapter 36, 'Groped', scene where Jill gropes Rebecca accidentally.

**POV: **Rebecca

"Well...I've lost my wallet and I thought I might have left it in my locker." I said, taking a step forward and quickly pushing her into the locker as I took off running before she realized what i had said. Unfortunately, she tackled me to the floor. She proceeded to pins my arms behind me and handcuff me.

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait in a cell until Captain Wesker arrives to discuss with you your terms of termination of employment." Jill spoke. _I can't be busted!_ I rolled on my back and kicked Jill. Jill stumbled back a bit, enough for me to roll back on my stomach and get up on my knees. Jill grabbed me and spun me around pinning me to the wall with her hands firmly against my chest. _Oh God..._The look of shock was also written on her face.

"I can explain." I offered.

"Please do." Jill spoke, quickly repositioning her hands on my shoulders.

"It's me, Rebecca." I spoke, dropping my masculine voice. Jill's jaw dropped for a second, then closed as her face twisted in disgust.

"No joking?" She asked.

"No joking." I answered and Jill abruptly released me.

"Oh God...I just felt you up. Ugh..." She spat.

"What's really sad is the fact that I haven't worn a bra since doing this job and no one's noticed." I supplied, sitting down.

"Tell me about it." Jill spoke, smiling. I glared at her. _That's not in the script!_

"Jill!" I called back.

"Oh come on Rebecca! A push up bra will do you wonders!" Jill spoke. I glanced over to J.L., who was in her director's chair with her hand over her face.

"Says you-Big Tits!" I called back, the scene lost and I wasn't going to let Jill win.

"Itty Bitty Titty Committee!" Jill called back and I jumped at her throat. She kicked me off, ripping my shirt. I grabbed hers and ripped it off in retaliation. She locked eyes with me and started laughing. I looked over my shoulder to see Chris and Billy watching us. A blush came over me. Jill handed my shirt back, not bothering to cover her black bra clad chest from the view of the boys.

"Oh god..." I muttered, and Jill draped her arm around me.

"Sorry about that 'Becca, I had to. Chris dared me to ruin this scene." Jill said.

"I'll kill you!" J.L. shouted as she leaped out of her chair at Chris. I looked to Jill after I placed what little of my shirt remain around my chest to cover up.

"If you want to know the truth, you're lucky Rebecca...do you know how embarrassing it is when you try to talk to guys seriously and the only thing they respond to is your tits?" Jill asked. I ran my hand through my short hair.

"No, can't say that I would know." I answered.

"Get back here you git!" J.L.'s shouts echoed through the locker room set.

"Apology accepted?" Jill asked.

"One condition." I spoke.

"What is it?" Jill asked. I groped her breast.

"There, we are even." I said and started laughing along with her as Chris and J.L. made another lap around the set, J.L. tripping over her director's chair and tackling Chris to the floor.

**Fanfic: **Re:high:eR

**Chapter/scene: **Chapter 12, 'Phone Sex'

**POV: **Jill

"Fuck it, I need someone to confide in." I spoke to no one in general. _So who in the hell would be-Rebecca_. I dialed her number.

"Uh-He-hello?!" Rebecca answered in a very erratic tone. _What the hell?_

"It's Jill." I spoke, suspicion arising that maybe I should have waited to call.

"Oh-ohohoh...Jill-I-ah...Call you back later!" She moaned out and hung up. I turned my phone off and sat there, slightly disturbed.

"Shit!" J.L. yelled out. I looked over to her.

"What?" I asked.

"Freaking...camera's not rolling!" J.L. fussed and swatted the camera man who was chowing down a pineapple topped pizza.

"So...reroll the scene?" I asked.

"Yeah...and...action!" J.L. commanded.

"Fuck it, I need someone to confide in." I spoke to no one in general. _So who in the hell would be-Rebecca_. I dialed her number.

"Snappy Tomatoe's Pizza service!" Rebecca answered in a very erratic tone. _What the hell?_

"What the fuck Rebecca?!" J.L. yelled out and Rebecca was laughing on the other side of the set.

"I couldn't help it." She spoke.

"Alright, alright, reroll...and action!" J.L. called out.

"Fuck it, I need someone to confide in." I spoke to no one in general. _So who in the hell would be-Rebecca_. I dialed her number.

"Uh-He-hello?!" Rebecca answered in a very erratic tone. _What the hell?_

"It's Snake." I spoke, smirking.

"Oh! Snake! Oh my god, hotness, I wanna bang you!" She moaned out and hung up. I turned my phone off and fell back on the bed laughing as J.L.'s script came flying through the air.

"Cut! We try again tomorrow smart asses!" J.L. called up and stomped away.

"That was so worth it for all that crap she's written us into! Calling me a Porn addict!" Rebecca jeered. I rolled my eyes.

"I don't know...I kind of like some of the scenes." I admitted as I left the set walking with Rebecca.

"Like the ones with you and Chris banging each other?" She asked.

"You are a porn addict! Those are closed sets!" I accused and chased after Rebecca.

J.L.: There's chapter two for you. I do make fun of myself a lot in here, but hey, why not? True story: I have jumped on ice and fallen through before. Not my smartest move...was one of those winters where I was curious just how thick the ice was and wasn't satisfied with just walking and running across it. I do tend to be a bit clumsy, but I'm usually trying to push limits or whatever. Anyways, three chapters in one day (One for Earliest Days and two for here.) seems like a good enough effort. Also-

Jaane: I wanted to answer your review here because I didn't want to leave a spoiler, but you hit the nail on the head. I cracked up laughing and forced myself to leave my house for a little while to keep from dropping the bomb to everyone else. Thanks for the laugh.


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